yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
