i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
