Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
