was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
