Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
