I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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