Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
