well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
