someone get that fucking seahorse.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
