Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
