now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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