You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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