oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
