She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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