My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
