I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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