my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
