My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
