This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
