I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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