Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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