He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i out mim tonsoeep
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
