guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
