I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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