I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
