the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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