You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
