Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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