I like my sex mixed with concussions.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
