My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
