Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
