this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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