apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
