it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
