he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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