Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
