Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
