even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
