that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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