its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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