does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
