so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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