I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Found the puke drawer
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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