Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
