He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
