I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
