Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
