Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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