Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
