Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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