I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
