and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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