i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
