i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My feet surprised me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
