so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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