just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
