I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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