make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
