Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
