I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
