Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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