Where is the hickey?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
