I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This show inspires me to have sex in space
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
