k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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