im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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