I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
