i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize