I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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