You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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